I always thought of blogs as being narcissistic, business related, or as my sister's, a way of keeping in touch or memorializing.

But, by necessity, I am learning a lot about myself. I find I need to get my thoughts out, and it helps me to know that someone else will read them. So I have created this little space for myself, to express the things I have trouble saying (be it emotional or physical trouble), to share what I'm going through, and what I'm learning through it.

I absolutely welcome comments. It's nice to know how people relate to what I'm saying.
To send me a private message, please e-mail me: flylittlewordsfly@gmail.com
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Sunday, 10 April 2011

Rough Patch

I know that I'm supposed to have them, but it doesn't make them any easier. At times this past week, when I'm on my own (pretending he's beside me, all alone... ok, not really, just can't help myself) I've been feeling really rather blah.

I'm tired of TV. Can't find shows to suit my moods. Games are annoying because either I'm foggy and keep losing, get tired fast, or spend too many of my good moments on them. I'm lonely, but I don't want to be with people. I'm tired of being tired. And I just want to whine and feel sorry for myself. Or sleep sleep and sleep some more.

Then I think about it, and no, I don't really want to sleep, because that won't help me reach my goal of getting better. And neither will self-pity. So nix the whining, and get up off the couch at regular intervals.

It's easier to get up off my behind when the sun is shining. Go for a walk (I'm up to 11 minutes!). Drive to the library. Sit outside. But today the rain... oh the rain...

The air pressure changes, and my head goes nuts. Can't focus. Lightheaded. Moments of vertigo. Even the normally automatic things require me to focus on them. I couldn't remember which button did what on my cruise control today. I keep pressing the wrong buttons on my phone. Yesterday, I was putting the lid from a supplement bottle on my tea. And those are only the ones I can remember... I have to stop and think, because my auto pilot is off course. This is standard basic muscle-memory stuff. It's a bit disconcerting. Makes me wonder what I'm not noticing...

Ah well. That's why we have escape routes. I've just spent a nice amount of time rubbing my son's feet while he watched his YouTube videos, and I happily read with ear plugs in. I keep reminding myself to enjoy these moments. The peace, the comfort, the undemanding company (until he gets hungry).

Now he has ceded the computer, and here I am, letting my thoughts tumble out, and hoping that they make some sense. Hopefully this weather will let up again soon, and I can get a portion of my brain working again. In the meantime, well, I'll just stick close to my laptop and my books, and try to remember to keep the shower curtain closed.


  1. There are two significant characteristics of every great life. The first is capacity to make a good beginning, and the second is the courage to push on to a good ending. One of the saddest things in life is to see a man begin some worthy venture revealing great promise and then to watch him flounder into failure for lack of courage to push on through frustration and disappointment..........A life of triumph hinges on a firm faith for rugged times.
    ~~~H.B. Walker~~~

  2. Cu, I don't know where you get all these quotes, but I love them, and I love that you love me enough to share them with me!