I always thought of blogs as being narcissistic, business related, or as my sister's, a way of keeping in touch or memorializing.

But, by necessity, I am learning a lot about myself. I find I need to get my thoughts out, and it helps me to know that someone else will read them. So I have created this little space for myself, to express the things I have trouble saying (be it emotional or physical trouble), to share what I'm going through, and what I'm learning through it.

I absolutely welcome comments. It's nice to know how people relate to what I'm saying.
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Monday, 21 March 2011

Chaos 3, Cognition 0

I used to be one of the smartest people anybody knew. I could teach an engaging class about almost any given subject, maintain order in a classroom, and always know which of my students was surfing rather than working. Sure, I used to lose my keys, and forget things at home, but I had an awareness of my environment that allowed me to assess and control all kinds of situations. I was able to process a ton of information really quickly, which meant I was able to do it all on autopilot. Not so much anymore.

There are things, normal things, that happen to people. They didn't used to happen to me. They do now, and it's a jolting experience. The only thing keeping me sane right now is that I'm laughing at myself.

I wrote already about the trouble I had figuring out which time was the right one after Daylight Savings came into effect. Well, it seems that my mental acuity continues to lag, and I've been dealing with more and more of this kind of thing.

A couple of days ago, I locked myself out of the house. Really. Literally. Went out, tried to come back in, found I had locked the door from the inside, left my keys and my cell phone inside, along with my coat. After a few anxious moments tugging without effect at the doorknob, I finally conceded that I was an idiot, and asked my lovely neighbour to use her phone. She was nice enough to let me sit in her warm house while I waited for my Dad in shining armour to come rescue me. I can't remember ever locking myself out before (of the garage, yes, the house, no). New experience. Bright side, I got to know my neighbour a little better.

This weekend, I called my parents. No big deal. I tried to call them again later, but the line was fuzzy. I didn't have the energy to go figure out which of the little thingies you put on the phone line to be able to use the internet was malfunctioning. So I used my cell phone, and put it out of my mind, knowing I would deal with it later. Well, let me tell you, I got quite the shock when I was sitting on my couch, and my father's voice came out of the phone. It turns out I had left the speaker phone on for about an hour and three quarters. Yikes. My mom does that. I don't. Ever.

Finally, and the biggest issue as of yet, there is a lovely hole in my kitchen ceiling. What has this to do with brain fog you ask? Well, I didn't close the curtain properly when I took my shower. I was so focused on actually taking a shower, that I didn't think about the curtain. I got out, and the bathroom was completely flooded. I managed to dry it all off, and went to lie down. When I finally got up again, I had to dry up the kitchen floor, too.

These are the types of things that just happen, right? Something similar has probably happened to you, right? But not me. Things like this didn't used to happen to me. Other things, yes, but not this directly of my own causing. It's a bit tricky, getting used to slowing down, re-checking everything, and not doing more than one thing at a time. I've always been great at keeping things in the air, and doing everything at once, and it worked for me. It doesn't any more. I have to re-learn to focus on every little task, as if it were something much more complex than it is.

It's this kinds of internal re-wiring that I'm having the hardest time dealing with. The physical is physical. It's nothing I can do anything about. But the mental, the habits and the way of thinking - those are things I can change, and need to change in order to recover.

1 comment:

  1. Nothing is better than the unintended humor of reality.

    ~~~Steve Allen~~~