I always thought of blogs as being narcissistic, business related, or as my sister's, a way of keeping in touch or memorializing.

But, by necessity, I am learning a lot about myself. I find I need to get my thoughts out, and it helps me to know that someone else will read them. So I have created this little space for myself, to express the things I have trouble saying (be it emotional or physical trouble), to share what I'm going through, and what I'm learning through it.

I absolutely welcome comments. It's nice to know how people relate to what I'm saying.
To send me a private message, please e-mail me: flylittlewordsfly@gmail.com
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Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Being Productive vs. Just Being

According to a leading doctor who literally wrote the book on my condition, I should aim to be not a human doing, but a human being.

Did you know that watching TV and reading actually burn calories? Not many, but still. Her point is that even watching TV and reading are activities. They are something to do. Something that engages the brain, and requires some level of energy consumption. Therefore, they are not the ideal activity for someone like me who has to be so careful with energy.

But here's the thing. It's really hard to do nothing. Especially when one of my symptoms is an over-engagement of my sympathetic nervous system (for those who haven't had to learn about such things because you are healthy, this basically means that physiologically, my body is more often in a state of stress - fight/flight, anxiety, and all that lovely stuff).  The vast majority of times I try to sit and meditate, do nothing, just be, that part of my nervous system takes over. My heart beats faster, I get sweats, and my mind goes into overdrive. Such fun!

Add to this that I come from a family of proud workaholics, and that I really honestly truly love my work, and love being busy. A colleague told me once I move like I'm always trying to catch the wind. I like small businesses because I love to get into everything. I thrive on multitasking.

So now what?

I have to wrap my head around the value of my life as a human simply being, rather than as a person doing all the stuff I used to do, and of which I am so very very proud. While I've never been one to work for external reward, I have always taken great pleasure and satisfaction from my various achievements. I have high standards to which I am used to holding myself. But I can't do that anymore.

So I have to figure out how to do nothing, when I so badly want to be doing something - anything!
Any ideas?


  1. A story must be told in such a way that it constitutes help in itself.
    My grandfather was lame.Once they asked him to tell a story about his teacher. And he related how his teacher used to hop and dance while he prayed. My grandfather rose as he spoke, and he was so swept away by his story that he began to hop and dance to show how the master had done. From that hour he was cured of his lameness.
    That is how to tell a story!!!!!

    Write my love, write.

  2. What's the doctor's stance on playing video games? That's my default when I have not other energy for anything else :)

    But seriously, so true, it's so hard to be OK with doing nothing. I applaud you for trying, let me know if you figure the secret out and then maybe we can do nothing together :)