I always thought of blogs as being narcissistic, business related, or as my sister's, a way of keeping in touch or memorializing.

But, by necessity, I am learning a lot about myself. I find I need to get my thoughts out, and it helps me to know that someone else will read them. So I have created this little space for myself, to express the things I have trouble saying (be it emotional or physical trouble), to share what I'm going through, and what I'm learning through it.

I absolutely welcome comments. It's nice to know how people relate to what I'm saying.
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Monday, 29 August 2011

Getting Back to Myself

Ok, apart from the fact that I woke up convinced it was Tuesday, I finally feel like I'm getting back to my old new normal!

I cannot tell you what a relief to wake up and be able to move within 5 minutes. To sit up and not feel like my head is about to fall off, and to come downstairs without dragging my right foot. This is indeed a moment worth savouring and celebrating.

I am feeling only residual sadness that I'm not in school today, and I am determined to make the most of this week until my stress test. Today I feel that determination come back, and that is such a key aspect of who I am on most days, that I feel like I'm welcoming myself back into my own life.

It is also amazing, and thanks mom for not listening to my snappy self yesterday, is to walk into a perfectly clean kitchen, and on freshly dusted floors. My parents came to me yesterday; my Dad to talk paperwork and my Mom to "help" me clear out all the rotting stuff in my fridge. Both went above and beyond, and I feel so much better today, not only physically, but emotionally, to have those particular tasks completed, and no longer looming before me. I am so very fortunate to have you two to see me through this.

It also helps that I feel I'm moving again in terms of my knowledge, and management of ME/CFS. This morning I got a call from an Occupational Therapist, with whom I will hopefully be meeting next week, to begin a round of Cognitive Behavioural/Mindfulness therapy. Add one to the support team.

It seems that the tilt-table-test does indeed explain my light-headedness. Re-reading the documents on POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), it seems that the main marker is a rise of heart rate by 30bpm or more when standing. That is how much mine went up. So while not worrying for the cardiologist, and while not officially part of my diagnostic melange quite yet, it seems that the rise in my heart rate is enough to cause me to never want to stay standing for any period of time. And just knowing that there is a real physical reason somehow makes it more bearable.

Yes, indeed, I may not be at school this morning, but the sadness of that is now completely overshadowed by the joy of being able to actually sit up to write this!

1 comment:

  1. Every human being is intended to have a character of his own; to be what no other is, and to do what no other can do.
    ~~~William Ellery Channing~~~