I always thought of blogs as being narcissistic, business related, or as my sister's, a way of keeping in touch or memorializing.

But, by necessity, I am learning a lot about myself. I find I need to get my thoughts out, and it helps me to know that someone else will read them. So I have created this little space for myself, to express the things I have trouble saying (be it emotional or physical trouble), to share what I'm going through, and what I'm learning through it.

I absolutely welcome comments. It's nice to know how people relate to what I'm saying.
To send me a private message, please e-mail me: flylittlewordsfly@gmail.com
Subscription links are at the bottom of the page

Monday, 13 June 2011

Choosing a Goal

I started the self-management course last week. But really, it's starting this week. Last week all we did was introduce ourselves. Nothing really all that exciting, interesting or new. Ok, technically, I read 12 new stories. But really, they're all far too similar to mine to feel new.

This week, though, it starts to get interesting. Our readings were about what we're already doing to manage our symptoms, and on how to set an attainable weekly goal. The readings on managing were again nothing new, but very valid. The reading on goal setting, through, that was interesting.

They explain a way of breaking down aspirations into small, manageable pieces that are easy to track. The example they give is this: What you really want overall is more rest. Great. Say that, and see how it goes! Ok, so break it down. The goal is to rest for 30 minutes twice a day every day. And the next part is where it gets really interesting: how confident, from 1 - 10, are you that you can actually do that. Less than 8? Then you're setting your sites too high, and need to adapt your goal. Rest 15 minutes twice a day, or rest once for 30 minutes, or rest twice for 30 minutes two days. Or however you can reimagine it to suit your life. Now are you confident? No? Ok, check out surrounding circumstances. Is there another way of doing it? Is something interfering? Can you change it?  And so on until you are very confident that you can achieve your goal. Next step, write it down, because if you write it down you're more likely to do it, and then tell as many people as you want, because again, that makes you more likely to do it. Track you progress through the week, then finally, write down what you learned through the process.

If you know me at all, you know I'm not one for routines and plans (I think maybe my first goal should be to actually track my goal for the week!). So this is a bit scary for me, but I like the way it's broken down into really easy and manageable steps. What I'm finding unmanageable right now, though, is actually choosing my goal. There are so many areas around this illness in which I'd like to improve, and I don't know where to start.

Do I start with going to sleep at a decent hour when my son is not with me? That would really help me maintain a steadier daytime schedule, which would probably help stabilize my energy levels. On the other hand, I am finding it harder and harder to stop doing things I enjoy. I literally have to chastise myself out loud to stop beading when I'm well past when I should have stopped. So maybe I should start with setting time limits on activities. On the other other hand (I have many, you know), it would make me feel so much better and less stressed to know that my son was happily entertained more often, and had a more active social life. So a good goal to set would be to get in touch with moms from the school and see who is available for evening playdates. We've done these a few times, and they're great. And on the final hand, I'm not getting out for my walks. So that would also be a great goal to set.

What do I do with this? How do I choose where to start? I'm so confused.

If you've been following, you know my biggest frustration is the cognitive impairment I've been experiencing. Making a menu choice at a restaurant is hard. Changing my phone plan, even when I knew what I wanted, required confirmation from my ever-patient father that yes, it was a smart move. i seriously do not make any serious decisions without consulting others, because I don't know what my brain is up to, and because it hurts. Making this kind of choice, well, it's really quite overwhelming. And I know I shouldn't stress. That whatever I choose now, I can work on the others later.

So perhaps I will roll the dice and let lady luck choose for me. Or maybe darts? That's probably more fun.


  1. One summer a college friend who had some sort of muscle paralysis decided to sell books, and he began by visiting the home of the college president. The wife of the president informed him that they did not need any books. As he turned to leave, she saw the limp in his walk ans said: Oh, I am so sorry! I did not know you were lame." The young man, who was not seeking pitty, bristled all over; and the woman, realizing that she had perhaps said the wrong thing, hastened to add, "I did not mean to imply anything except admiration, but doesn't being lame rather color your life?" "Yes," he replied. "but thank God I CAN CHOOSE THE COLOR".
    ~~~Frank A. Court~~~

  2. taran tan tan tan tan Tocayo to the rescue:
    tonight, tonight, it won't be like other nights, tonight I'll make you a plan!!!! (music of West Side Story)