I always thought of blogs as being narcissistic, business related, or as my sister's, a way of keeping in touch or memorializing.

But, by necessity, I am learning a lot about myself. I find I need to get my thoughts out, and it helps me to know that someone else will read them. So I have created this little space for myself, to express the things I have trouble saying (be it emotional or physical trouble), to share what I'm going through, and what I'm learning through it.

I absolutely welcome comments. It's nice to know how people relate to what I'm saying.
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Monday, 5 December 2011

Life getting in the way again

Is it possible to be doing better and worse at the same time? It must be, because I am.

Last week was one heck of a week. After the lice infestation was cleared out, and I buzzed my boy's hair down to almost nothing, he was hit with the stomach flu that's been making rounds at the school.

11:30pm, the poor thing stumbles out of bed, and throws up all over the bathroom floor. Man, I hate it when they don't make it to the toilet! So there I am, already in a state of compensation, trying to calm and settle him back down, and clean up the bathroom before things get really smelly. I managed. Somehow. 2am and here we go again. Except this time he did make it to the toilet, which made me quite a happy mom. What didn't make me so happy (although it did in a way) is that he felt the need to crawl into my bed after that - while it is lovely and comforting and all that, it makes for a much less deep and restful sleep for me.

Of course, he could not go to school the next day. And the day after were Parent Teacher Interviews. So that was two days home with me. And if you are a regular reader (which I think most people who are here are) then you know what that does to me, emotionally and physically.

Add to all of this that we stayed at my parents' house for added support, and I cannot for the life of me figure out why I can't connect to their wireless service. Do you understand what that means? That means that I was without internet for 2 whole days! Oh the emotional trauma! I actually had to use the desktop computer in the office to check my e-mail! I seriously wonder now, how I survived for so long without a laptop. And I'm sure of you wonder how you lived without smartphones/tablets.

Friday night rolled around, and since I was already at my parents' house, I decided to stay for Shabbat dinner. Probably not such a smart thing to do, but well, what can I say, I really enjoyed my time with my cousin and my niece. And the food was good. It did however, finish me off. Saturday morning, I felt worse than after Hallowe'en. Saturday afternoon, for the first time since I started seeing the Osteopath, I actually wished I'd thought to take my cane to my family's appointment at the bank to meet our new contact and renew our agreements.

Sunday I picked my son up at his Dad's house, about 25 minutes away on the highway, and drove straight to my nephew's birthday party. I didn't stay in the room for long. I lasted about half an hour, and took my Kobo to the lobby. I made it through the cake, and took myself home, and then to my parents' house, again, for the extra support. I had thought to stay tonight as well, but it turns out the cleaning lady is going to be there nice and early tomorrow, and that would certainly not be restful.

So this morning, I packed up all our stuff, including the Wii, and brought it home after my therapy session. Then I wrote some stuff for the school. And took the recycling out. And did laundry. And got my son showered, teeth brushed and tucked in. And sorted through an Old Navy order with my sister (yay sales!).

And I still haven't had a single day of rest. And I feel kinda crappy. I'm having trouble focusing, my throat is tickly, my nose is a little stuffy, I'm slightly nauseated, my wrists are heavy as anything, and I'm feeling rather unsteady.

I look at weeks like this, and I know they are a normal part of life. There is nothing all that unusual about my week for anyone who has children. Nothing at all. But for me, it is rather overwhelming. It feels like every time I'm gaining perspective, or regaining some ability to function at a higher level, something like this happens - life happens - and I get knocked back again.

But here's the amazing thing - my body has not forced me down yet. I'm watching it, and holding my breath, but the extreme compensation state has not yet been enforced. After a week like this past one, that's quite amazing. I just hope I'm not pushing my luck.

I did not make it in to volunteer last week, and although I am going in to a meeting tomorrow, I think that is all I will be able to safely do. After that, I have a lunch planned for Wednesday which I think I will postpone, and then I really need to make time to go to the naturopathic drug store, and I need to buy my Yoga classes before the insurance rehab people get mad that I haven't followed their program. And that is all I can face this week. I am not going to force my body to force me down this time. I am going to stop before it stops me.

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