Another September

One of the super cool things about having this blog, is that I can go back and remind myself of how far I've come on this journey of mine.

Last year, on the eve of Rosh Hashana, I wrote:

"I have a feeling this coming year will be different. I think that while this will all continue, I will find my way through it, and reach a place of wholeness and clarity that will envelop the paradoxes and cradle them, much like the yin-yang."

I think that was rather prescient of me... I still have a ways to go, but I am getting more and more comfortable with paradoxes and have a much greater capacity for stillness and quiet than I did before, and I am getting comfortable now with fewer labels and absolutes, with uncertainty and unpredictability.

There is always room for more. More growth, more learning, more integration, more paradoxes, more healing, more feelings, more awareness... however it comes.

 In a lot of Buddhist meditations around acceptance, this phrase pops up: "there is room in my heart for this too"

There is room in my heart for the pain, for the frustration, for the anger, and the love, and the acceptance and the compassion, and the vastness of feeling that shift and flows from moment to moment, whether it originates in me or in those I love. There is room in my heart. This too. This is. I am.

My mantra this year was "I'm not ok and that's ok." And it really is ok.

This September, I hardly missed being at school when it opened. I feel connected to the school, and I feel ok with not being there.

What will this year bring? I hope it brings consolidation. I have learned and integrated so much of what I've learned, and yet I still make the mistake of forgetting how delicate I am at times. I still allow my head to lead when my body needs to rest, at times. I hope I will find greater levels of integration, deeper levels of peace, and higher levels of awareness and consciousness.