I always thought of blogs as being narcissistic, business related, or as my sister's, a way of keeping in touch or memorializing.

But, by necessity, I am learning a lot about myself. I find I need to get my thoughts out, and it helps me to know that someone else will read them. So I have created this little space for myself, to express the things I have trouble saying (be it emotional or physical trouble), to share what I'm going through, and what I'm learning through it.

I absolutely welcome comments. It's nice to know how people relate to what I'm saying.
To send me a private message, please e-mail me: flylittlewordsfly@gmail.com
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Friday, 21 September 2012

Energy Reserves

We have word, and the word is good.

I am now at the phase in my healing where I am starting to build a healthy energy reserve! This is so super exciting, that I need to really be very careful what I do with that excitement.

When my Osteopath finished her treatment yesterday, she turned and said "Now we need to have that talk we have to have when people start really healing." The talk consisted of her explaining how the energy reserve works, how to cultivate it, and to not under any circumstance for any reason try to start anything new for at least 12 weeks.

So I am taking from now until 2013 as an extended break. I am determined to focus on integrating all the psycho-emotional and spiritual growth I've experienced over the last two years, to ensure that should I regain prior levels of energy, stamina and ability, I will continue on the path I have begun.

And let me tell you, it's not easy. It is taking every little bit of stubbornness in me to stay on track.

This past weekend, for example, I noticed a tremendous increase in stamina. My son did not want to go outside by himself (and who can blame him, really?), so we went to the park across the street (the one where walking up the hill takes me forever and then I need to sit for 15 minutes just to get over it, so I go only on my really really good days), and I realized about half-way there that I was walking at pretty much a normal speed - up the hill, mind - and reminded myself to slow down. Unless I am conscious of my movements, my body will adjust to whatever energy level and capacity is available at any given moment. It is often by paying attention to my movements that I can more clearly assess my energy levels.

I made it to the park, and created an obstacle course for my son involving plastic arrows, a hula hoop and a water gun, and a fair bit of running and jumping. And when we got back to the house, I was ok. I lay down anyway, but I was ok. This is HUGE!

I am excited that I can finally empty the dishwasher in one go. I walked my niece up to her house from mine the other day. I can prepare most of a simple meal standing up. The other day I even walked up the stairs from the basement to the second floor all in one go. These things I used to take for granted, and which became an impossibility are now incredibly rewarding and precious experiences. And I need to remind myself to limit them, because my energy reserve is just starting to fill, and it could very easily empty out again without notice if I don't.

So I am putting my kitchen stool in the middle of the kitchen to remind myself to sit down, I am setting the intent to focus my attention on my physical well-being, and I am talking to myself a lot in an effort to rein myself in (like this: "Andy, stop. Sit down for a minute...This can wait"). I've asked my Mom to call me on it when she sees me over-doing, and I now ask you to do it too.

My hermitting ways will thus continue for a little while longer, and although I don't have to stop anything I'm already doing, I am going to slow down, and retreat from anything that causes undue stress. Which means stepping away from the conference I'd been helping plan (which I already did pretty much, a while back), and from the blog I was trying to start for our school. That makes me a little sad, but, as my Osteopath said, if it is meant to happen, it will happen, in its own time.

In the meantime, the air pressure is still affecting me, but quite a bit less than last month, and I am looking forward to hopefully driving my son out to his Dad's house for the first time in quite some time.  And if any of you have any suggestions as to how I can better integrate the lessons of this illness, so I can stay on track, I'd love to hear them!


  1. This is fantastic news! You will have to find a sustainable level of exertion by trial and unfortunately, error. Keep up the healing!

  2. Why place a stool in the middle of the kitchen when a plush armchair will do?