I always thought of blogs as being narcissistic, business related, or as my sister's, a way of keeping in touch or memorializing.

But, by necessity, I am learning a lot about myself. I find I need to get my thoughts out, and it helps me to know that someone else will read them. So I have created this little space for myself, to express the things I have trouble saying (be it emotional or physical trouble), to share what I'm going through, and what I'm learning through it.

I absolutely welcome comments. It's nice to know how people relate to what I'm saying.
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Monday, 30 April 2012

Tired Today

Today was the first day in a week that I woke up tired. I mean beyond the norm. The new norm. Do you know what I mean? I'm not sure I know what I mean.

Since November 2008, my sleep has been less than refreshing, overall. But within that, there is a huge variance, and I can usually tell what kind of day I'm going to have by how my body feels those first few moments of waking. The last couple of weeks, since I moved home, I have felt awake faster, and lighter. I was surprised the other day when I got up and without even thinking about it, just reached into a drawer to get dressed. I have gotten rather used to thinking about it - calculating how much energy I have, and what my day will bring, what the chances are that I will be back upstairs before I leave the house, and so forth. But I didn't have to do that this week. That's pretty awesome.

This morning, my wrists and ankles were heavy, and it took all the effort in the world to roll over, never mind get up. And I'm glad to say it was a surprise! And also, I'm absolutely sure I know why.

For starters, the weather's changing, and you know how air pressure makes my head do all kinds of odd things. But really, I had such a great and very active day yesterday, that if I really think about it, for me not to be feeling the effects would be even more surprising.

I slept in, my son having stayed at his father's house, and woke up to realize there was *GASP* NO COFFEE in the house. So I went to my sister's house, and got my fix. And boy did I get it. I ended up in the park supervising some really intense light saber battles. Then, I got home, and get this: I cleaned. Seriously. I picked up a bunch of stuff from the dining room area - put some things away, threw others out, and boy did it feel good. So I rested.

But soon enough, I headed back over to my sisters' house for more Star Wars based activity - watching the Return of the Jedi however, is not as relaxing as one would think when there are two 3year olds, a 6 year old and a 9 year old with a very high empathy level. My nephews have questions about everything, and want to tell you what's going to happen next. My niece is not into these movies at all (except perhaps for Princess Lea's "brains", by which she means braids) and so spends the whole time in motion and vying for attention. And then there's my boy - my son will not watch the part where the Emperor uses the lightning force on Luke. He is too empathetic, and "feels bad" for Luke. This makes me one proud Mama, for sure. But it adds to the debate, as we keep an eye out for when that part will start, and field questions as to why he feels that way.

The chaos of the movie was followed by a more chaotic dinner. I think perhaps during dinner is when I ought to have excused myself. But I was having such a good time, and it really has been a long time since I've been able to enjoy my sister's family like this. So I drank my beer like a good girl, and tried my best to explain how exactly Vader brought balance to the Force in the end. Ah yes, indeed.

Following dinner, my parents visited, and I not only bore witness to, but felt myself compelled to take part in yet more lightsaber battles, this time with my own father. Just think of the fun to be had!

So yeah, I'm tired today. Surprise? No, not really. I think anyone would be. But me more so. And the fact that I still managed to get myself breakfast and stuff a load of laundry in... well, that tells me more than anything that my new meds are working, that being home really is good for me, and that I am most definitely on the right path. May the force be with you!

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