I always thought of blogs as being narcissistic, business related, or as my sister's, a way of keeping in touch or memorializing.

But, by necessity, I am learning a lot about myself. I find I need to get my thoughts out, and it helps me to know that someone else will read them. So I have created this little space for myself, to express the things I have trouble saying (be it emotional or physical trouble), to share what I'm going through, and what I'm learning through it.

I absolutely welcome comments. It's nice to know how people relate to what I'm saying.
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Tuesday, 1 November 2011

Compensating again - but what a great Hallow'en!

Hallowe'en is one of my favourite holidays. I get a real kick out of it every single year. This year was no exception.

Somehow, the past few years, my health was good over Hallowe'en. My first bout of extreme healing was in November, and remission came in the spring. Then, the second hit again in November of last year. But this time, one year later, I continue to be in a state of healing and cocooning. I will reflect more on having been recouping for a full year later this month. Today, though, it's all about the Eve of Hallows.

It is the first time I experience Hallowe'en from this point of view. I always knew what went into it, but this year, I guess I really realized how much I value the whole experience.

It all starts with the decorations. Since this home is still fairly new to us, we had not built up an arsenal of decorations. So we started with the shopping. And for that, there is no place better than the dollar store. Being aware of how much that trip, and then the decorating itself would impact me, I actually for once thought ahead, and got it together early.

Then, I think it was 3 weeks ago, my son had a playdate, and in order to keep them busy and unplugged yet excited and happy, I offered them the opportunity to decorate for Hallowe'en, and boy did they jump on it. My mother happened by with my nephews (niece was sleeping in the car), and next thing you know, my house is the first decorated on the block. And it remained among the most decorated...

Happily, because the boys were so excited, my work was mostly supervisory. My son did most of the directions, the elder of my nephews is extremely creative, and the little one was too cute for words... "is this scary? scary for hallowe'en" (until he got into the house and found a spray bottle I use for blocking my knitting, but that's another story). And then I took a rest. Until last week.

My son wanted more than anything to be the Stig (Top Gear's mysterious test driver), and hid dad came up with a brilliant way of creating the costume. He even got the helmet and refurbished it. However, the paint coveralls we were going to use for the suit only came in XXL, and my son was disappointed that the material was somewhat transparent. No problem, says I - I watch Project Runway, and I love duct tape! I can fix it! And I did. I'm actually super proud of myself, but it was a lot of work, with a very strict deadline. The work was cognitive as well as physical. And having never so much as altered a garment beyond fixing a hem here and there, there was a huge learning curve. Which is why I'm so very proud of myself.

It took me several days to finish the costume, but I had it finished in time for his trampoline club's party on Friday, and then, I rested. But not too long. After all, there was my own costume to think about! While I have my go-to sparkly witch hat/cape/gloves/wig combo, it didn't seem like quite enough to just throw that on to go to my first actual adult party in such a very very long time. So I put a cute little outfit together (not so easy when most of my clothes don't actually fit anymore), did my nails (no makeup though - too much work for such transient and less important results), cut the fingers off the gloves because they were really bugging me (super cheap one-size, baggy, slippy stupid things), and then rested again.

Hallowe'en parties are awesome. I love them. Always have. Always will. So when a good friend of mine invited me to one, which I knew would be relatively calm, and I have, after all been feeling so much better overall, I decided it was definitely worth the compensation I knew my body would need the following day. And it was. It was so nice to be around a group of adults and enjoy the costumes, and have the focus be on something other than me and my physical and emotional state. A fabulous change of pace. And since most of the people there are people I only see at these events, hardly anyone even knew of my extreme healing, so it didn't come up, at all, and it was fun to be unfettered by that for a night. I was a good girl, and left before I got tired, and so was able to make it home and avoid a state of extreme compensation the next day. That came after the pumpkin carving :)

I sent my son and Dad to pick up the pumpkins (yay for delegation!), and made it through the carving without a big issue. But then I had to make dinner. And I looked at the mess on the floor, and I thought about dinner, and I realized I had to make a choice. So I called my Mommy. She came over and graciously cleaned up the pumpkin mess once I had made dinner and put my boy to bed.

For Hallowe'en itself, there was still more work to do. Set out the candies, find a way for me to be able to sit close enough to the door, light all the candles, turn on the lanterns, and so forth. But this year, I had a companion... my dear father came to keep me company and help out with all that stuff. We had such a good time!

My son was out with friends and cousins, and by the time they got home, it was so late that there was barely time to check out his candies before bed. But because dinner was so early, he was hungry for more than candy. Thank goodness my mom and dad were here, because it was more or less at this point that my body decided enough is enough. My body's need for rest came on very strong and very sudden, in a way I had not experienced in what seems like a long long time, to the point that I actually asked my mom to make the food for us both. She must have sensed the severity of the situation, because she promptly convinced my son that he really wanted to go sleep at her house.

And since then, I have been in cocoon mode. The decorations are still up, and the might stay up until tomorrow. That's ok. Because more important than house-pride is meeting the needs of my body. So for now, I rest. I allow my body to compensate, and I enjoy the memories and photos, and leftovers of a lovely holiday.

With that, I wish all a happy all soul's day, and feliz dia de los muertos.

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