I always thought of blogs as being narcissistic, business related, or as my sister's, a way of keeping in touch or memorializing.

But, by necessity, I am learning a lot about myself. I find I need to get my thoughts out, and it helps me to know that someone else will read them. So I have created this little space for myself, to express the things I have trouble saying (be it emotional or physical trouble), to share what I'm going through, and what I'm learning through it.

I absolutely welcome comments. It's nice to know how people relate to what I'm saying.
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Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Physical Perspective Change

My son does not transition easily. He is the typical slow-to-warm-up personality, if you know about those things, you will know exactly what I mean. Wherever he is he wants to stay, and unless he has a hand in making changes, they upset him greatly. He has always been like that. I will never forget the crying fit he had when my parents changed their dishwasher "but I miss the old dishwasher! I want the old dishwasher back!" Same thing happened when they changed the tap on the bathroom sink. The worst, however, was when we juiced some carrots, and he was incredibly distraught - inconsolable, really, because we couldn't make the carrots whole again. Knowing this about him, and validating his experience, makes my life waaaaay easier.

So when I decided to change the living room around, to change my physical perspective on the world and reinforce the mental shifts I'm making, I knew things would work best if I got him involved before I moved a stick of furniture. We had a lot of fun playing around with pieces of paper, and really negotiated what we each wanted from the room. So we have ended up with a very unconventional arrangement, which we've decided to leave in place for a few days to see if we like it.
The couch that was once against the wall is now at an angle, effectively separating the room into two spaces - one being a cozy area for sitting and conversation and the huge coffee table where I do pretty much everything, and the other being open floor space for puzzles and playing games.

My aunt has a gift for spaces - for transforming them and creating them, and really connecting with them in a way that allows energy to flow differently. It would have been very silly of me not to get her advice while she was here. The first thing she said was to move the couch away from the wall. First, because that way I can face my amazing window. Second, because my back was to my artwork. Thirdly, to create a separation between the play area and my "nest." And finally, because walls are enclosures, and to be at a wall is to not only lean on it, and be supported by it, but to be held in by it. For me, personally, moving away from the wall holds the additional challenge of dealing with my hyper-vigilant habit of always sitting with my back to the wall and facing the door. My physical space is now set up so that while I am still comfortable, I am constantly challenging myself to change my self-talk.

The reason for the angle is two-fold. First, I don't like corners and straight edges. Never have. I prefer softer, organic lines and curves. So having the couch at an angle, and the two chairs curled around the coffee table with a plant between them helps me create that. Second, There is no way to fit both the couch and the rocking chair next to each other, and it was imperative for my son (rocking chair) and I (couch) each to be able to see out the window and reach the table while sitting comfortably. So now, both are angled in such a way as to give a truly excellent view of the yard without having to turn one's body, and are set close enough to the table to reach it without having to shift or get up.

So now we have a very cozy sitting area. Perhaps too cozy. It feels a little jammed, but I think part of that is all the stuff on the coffee table, and that I haven't moved the smaller pieces around yet. The drawers, the lamps, the plant stands.

The really truly amazing thing to me, though, is that I managed to clean up around the living room enough to move the furniture around, to actually move the furniture around, and then to rearrange a few things, all without actually crashing. I did stop a few times, and I did rest in between some tasks, but I did all that yesterday, as well as going to therapy and seeing my naturopath. And today, I am ok. I am actually really more than ok. I am super pleased. I am proud of myself, and proud of my son, and proud of the relationship we have that we can do things like this together, taking each other into consideration and working together to make changes in our home. But I am especially proud of myself for taking the chance, for making a change, and for listening to my body.

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