Crashed out

The crash has come. I've been expecting it. I knew it was coming. And now it's here.

If you've read my last few posts, you know what a week I've had. This was inevitable. I can only hope it does not last too long.

My weakened heart pushes lead through my veins.
My mind is enveloped in a hurricane, that blows thoughts through at lightning speeds, leaves holes behind and twists and turns all the while.
My leg reluctantly drags my foot.
My feeble neck cannot bear the weight of my head.
My skin tingles and crawls with electric pulsation.
My chest heaves with the effort of breathing.
Yet my spirit soars with every breath I do take
And my pride swells with knowing what I've done and seen and felt and known
And creativity floods every cell of my being
Just as happy memories flood my mind
And contentment fills the spaces my soul inhabits.

Living in Paradox

I love with my mind
thinking with my heart
I fly when I'm lying down
I'm heavy in flight
lonely in the midst of encounters
entwined with strangers
anonymous confidantes
misunderstood and fully comprehended
wise without knowledge
full of insight and filled with folly
finding meaning in the superficial
depth in the commercial
light in the darkness and darkness in the light
freedom is in the structure that brings release
never seeing what I know
grasping beliefs
the unthought is paramount
my thoughts are unknowable
the unfelt wearing down
demanding to be known
there is
I am
it is
I am

The Storm Came

Slashing sheets of falling water
Spattered glass with skeletal remains
Of returning drops of used, re-used water
Sweep away what hasn't gone
With your raging whispers
And your tumbling pockets of restless air
Take it
The shuddering fear
The trembling anger
The rending un-stillness
Take it
Fly away with it
Sweep it away
Cradle it, or carry it, or toss it around
Just take it
I don't want it anymore.

---
I don't set out to write poems. They just randomly pop into my head, and demand to be let out again. They don't always reflect my conscious state of mind, and I don't even always know what they're about - it's literally just a collection of words that put themselves together and want to play. So there you go. That's why there aren't too many poems here. I wish I could will them into being, but that's not my gift. But I sure love it when they come to visit.

Acceptance

Acceptance is not lying down.
Acceptance is not giving up.
Acceptance is not about trying
To do this thing, that thing
Or no thing; nothing at all.
No, it's a rising up
To meet reality.
As it is.
No cushions no bubbles
No blankies no cuddles
No crap... Just Real.
This is it. That is all.
Nothing less nothing more
Than this time this place
This feeling this space
The air that I breathe
That came 'round the world
And into my lungs to fill...
To fill and then dissipate
Ebbs and flows
Never still
Never the same
Just constant.
Ebbing and flowing Air
Sand, Fire, Water
Through the space the place
Where it hits hard
The big emotions
Love Anger Hate
Face it, see it, hail it.
Acceptance follows
With peace and consent
A big yes, calm and content
Yes.
Welcome. Be here. Be now.
Accept.

the day you realize

the day you realize your life isn't what you thought
that the sunshine doesn't last
that the rain will always come
is that the day it starts?
is that the day you start to hope
to yearn for things you never knew you had
to fill every moment with songs and scattered lines
and poems you forgot you knew
to know how love and living are melting sorrows and joys and moments.
is that the day? the day it ends? the day it starts?
---
These words came to me last night, unbidden, from goodness knows where. I thought I'd share them. I like them. They are a little bit lonely, which moments of revelation can be. They speak to that moment of clarity - that one in which pain and hope are one. The one in which the questions are the answers. In which the seeking is the goal. When these things are united, I am far more powerful.