Yes, it's true. 2011 is over. And naturally, as human beings, we look back at the year, with nostalgia, with joy, with pain... and we make plans for the next year. I am no different. Reflection is a natural state for me, especially now. So I am looking back, and amazingly, am doing so and feeling joy at all that has transpired.
Let us review. January was the month I received my diagnosis, and I started to really learn about what was happening to my body. It was when I made the decision to stop working, and utterly and completely changed my life. I spent most of January in bed - actually on the couch, because I don't particularly like lying in bed during the day. I figured out how to watch TV online effectively. And yet the world wasn't really spinning... it was actually slowing down... looking back, it was hard but not as hard as before I knew. Getting the diagnosis made everything start to settle, and the world stopped spinning, even though the changes were intense. I was very well supported through these changes though, as my family and I struggled together to understand what the hell was happening, and why, and what to do about it.
Saturday 31 December 2011
Tuesday 27 December 2011
Aunthood vs Parenthood - I miss my boy!
So I'm on day 12 of this cold, and I'm really done with it now. I wish it would just get up and leave now, thank-you very much. Unfortunately, such viruses are rarely so polite and accomodating. Ah well. But it is getting better, and I am feeling much more myself today.
The holiday weekend came and went with my hardly noticing, since my family does not celebrate Christmas and I did not leave the house. The only real difference was that yesterday, my mom came over, and her energy was somehow less agitated - probably because she is headed into two weeks of holidays from school and my sister is out of town. Today my two besties came over, brought and set out and cleaned up lunch, and hung out with me for a while. It was so very very nice.
It is also 4 days since I heard from my son, which feels un-right. It doesn't feel wrong, exactly - I mean, he's been away before, and I know he's in very capable, trustworthy and protective hands. I'm certainly not worried, or anxious about it. But, he is my son, and as any parent (and really only parents - possibly mothers? I don't know... haven't talked to any dads about this) can understand, he is always in my thoughts, even when he's as far as could be. He is a part of me, and always will be. And independent as we both are, it feels odd not to have heard anything from him for so long.
The holiday weekend came and went with my hardly noticing, since my family does not celebrate Christmas and I did not leave the house. The only real difference was that yesterday, my mom came over, and her energy was somehow less agitated - probably because she is headed into two weeks of holidays from school and my sister is out of town. Today my two besties came over, brought and set out and cleaned up lunch, and hung out with me for a while. It was so very very nice.
It is also 4 days since I heard from my son, which feels un-right. It doesn't feel wrong, exactly - I mean, he's been away before, and I know he's in very capable, trustworthy and protective hands. I'm certainly not worried, or anxious about it. But, he is my son, and as any parent (and really only parents - possibly mothers? I don't know... haven't talked to any dads about this) can understand, he is always in my thoughts, even when he's as far as could be. He is a part of me, and always will be. And independent as we both are, it feels odd not to have heard anything from him for so long.
Thursday 22 December 2011
Still Under the Weather
It has now been a full week with the cold. And I am still feeling rather miserable. However, I am happy to report that my Osteopath said that the pattern of healing going on underneath this cold is still strong and steady.
She explained more about her methods to my mother in our session today, and I wish I could explain it, but I can't. All I can say is that the more I see her, the more I am convinced that this is the way I am going to heal, and I deepen my impression of the parallels between what she does and Montessori.
One of the things she mentioned again, which is one of the things I love about going to see her, is that whereas everyone else I see health-wise is focused on what's wrong with me, she is focused on what's right - what's going on that is allowing me to heal, and what my innate natural patterns are.
She explained more about her methods to my mother in our session today, and I wish I could explain it, but I can't. All I can say is that the more I see her, the more I am convinced that this is the way I am going to heal, and I deepen my impression of the parallels between what she does and Montessori.
One of the things she mentioned again, which is one of the things I love about going to see her, is that whereas everyone else I see health-wise is focused on what's wrong with me, she is focused on what's right - what's going on that is allowing me to heal, and what my innate natural patterns are.
Monday 19 December 2011
Another Cold
I was planning two posts this week, one about my observation at my son's school, and one about my latest Osteopathy and Gestalt sessions, but I got sidetracked in a major way by a cold that hit me... when was it?... Thursday, I think... No really sure.
(Warning: little bits of potentially offensive language below - I'm feeling particularly expressive this morning, perhaps because I haven't been able to speak my mind fully in a few days)
I feel like I'm in a daze, and it's not brain fog - it feels different - but it's similar. I am more distracted and my memory is shorter than usual. I'm forgetting lots of things - I know I am - that I need to do or deal with... more than usual, if it's not sitting right in front of me with flashing lights, it doesn't exist. Until someone asks, and then I want to slap my own forehead and moan "oh shit, not again. But since that someone is usually my son, or within hearing range of him, I do actually hold my tongue.
(Warning: little bits of potentially offensive language below - I'm feeling particularly expressive this morning, perhaps because I haven't been able to speak my mind fully in a few days)
I feel like I'm in a daze, and it's not brain fog - it feels different - but it's similar. I am more distracted and my memory is shorter than usual. I'm forgetting lots of things - I know I am - that I need to do or deal with... more than usual, if it's not sitting right in front of me with flashing lights, it doesn't exist. Until someone asks, and then I want to slap my own forehead and moan "oh shit, not again. But since that someone is usually my son, or within hearing range of him, I do actually hold my tongue.
Tuesday 13 December 2011
Yoga
It didn't beat me. Not really. Ok, maybe a little.
Yesterday I went and did the first real physical activity I have done in a year. I finally made it to the Gentle Yoga class I've been thinking about joining for so long. And it was gooooood.
The teacher was wonderfully understanding, checked in on me every once in a while, and was super compassionate. I checked her bio out on their website, and like me, she worked "normal" jobs until something more fulfilling called to her when her child was born. The postures and sequences themselves were simple, and not what I would have considered challenging. In fact, we did many of my favourites for relaxing - pigeon, up the wall butterfly, boat twist - so there was little actual stress, as we focused more on stretching and opening.
Yesterday I went and did the first real physical activity I have done in a year. I finally made it to the Gentle Yoga class I've been thinking about joining for so long. And it was gooooood.
The teacher was wonderfully understanding, checked in on me every once in a while, and was super compassionate. I checked her bio out on their website, and like me, she worked "normal" jobs until something more fulfilling called to her when her child was born. The postures and sequences themselves were simple, and not what I would have considered challenging. In fact, we did many of my favourites for relaxing - pigeon, up the wall butterfly, boat twist - so there was little actual stress, as we focused more on stretching and opening.
Thursday 8 December 2011
State of my Health
I got really great news last time I went to the Naturopath. I just haven't really shared it with anyone, because as you know, last week was nuts, and this week was spent compensating and living. But now I will share.
She was thrilled to report that I am all cleared out of the gut bacteria that was causing the brain fog. So now when my cognition slows down, it's for other reasons (which I already figured, because it feels sooooo wonderfully different). Apparently it is not so common to go from the very large amount I had before to nothing at all in so little time - so YAY garlic pills! I can now move to a lesser aggressive stance on those, 10 days off, 5 days on, but am to continue, should the little buggers decide to come back.
She was thrilled to report that I am all cleared out of the gut bacteria that was causing the brain fog. So now when my cognition slows down, it's for other reasons (which I already figured, because it feels sooooo wonderfully different). Apparently it is not so common to go from the very large amount I had before to nothing at all in so little time - so YAY garlic pills! I can now move to a lesser aggressive stance on those, 10 days off, 5 days on, but am to continue, should the little buggers decide to come back.
Monday 5 December 2011
Life getting in the way again
Is it possible to be doing better and worse at the same time? It must be, because I am.
Last week was one heck of a week. After the lice infestation was cleared out, and I buzzed my boy's hair down to almost nothing, he was hit with the stomach flu that's been making rounds at the school.
11:30pm, the poor thing stumbles out of bed, and throws up all over the bathroom floor. Man, I hate it when they don't make it to the toilet! So there I am, already in a state of compensation, trying to calm and settle him back down, and clean up the bathroom before things get really smelly. I managed. Somehow. 2am and here we go again. Except this time he did make it to the toilet, which made me quite a happy mom. What didn't make me so happy (although it did in a way) is that he felt the need to crawl into my bed after that - while it is lovely and comforting and all that, it makes for a much less deep and restful sleep for me.
Last week was one heck of a week. After the lice infestation was cleared out, and I buzzed my boy's hair down to almost nothing, he was hit with the stomach flu that's been making rounds at the school.
11:30pm, the poor thing stumbles out of bed, and throws up all over the bathroom floor. Man, I hate it when they don't make it to the toilet! So there I am, already in a state of compensation, trying to calm and settle him back down, and clean up the bathroom before things get really smelly. I managed. Somehow. 2am and here we go again. Except this time he did make it to the toilet, which made me quite a happy mom. What didn't make me so happy (although it did in a way) is that he felt the need to crawl into my bed after that - while it is lovely and comforting and all that, it makes for a much less deep and restful sleep for me.
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